I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
