nut hugger
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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