Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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