your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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