i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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