the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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