I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
