you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
