It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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