What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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