Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
