just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just high enough for therapy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
