I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
