my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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