Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
