I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
