And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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