She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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