Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
