so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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