I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
