Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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