Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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