My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
