I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
