Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
