think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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