i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
