oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
