I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
