Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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