Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
