Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
