Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
