My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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