im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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