i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
