why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Panties = found
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
