Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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