My sheets look like a crime scene.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
