woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
