Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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