Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
