I accidentally had phone sex last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
