i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
