Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
