apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
