I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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