We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
