I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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