Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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