She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
